Tuesday, August 12, 2014

An interesting realization

For some time now, I have been using my iPad to read e-books. I've had a Barnes & Noble Nook e-reader for a few years, but the iPad seemed more convenient, letting me read books without switching devices, after I had been using the iPad for e-mail, reading the newspaper, magazines, etc. So several months ago, I stopped using my Nook.

Recently, Marc mentioned that the light from the iPad may be bad for me to look at before going to sleep. He'd read about such light interfering with the mind's process of getting ready to sleep. Since I do most of my reading before going to sleep, this did seem like a serious issue, especially since I don't sleep enough as it is.

So I decided to brush off the old Nook, charge it and start using it again. I'm not sure if it makes for a better sleep experience so far, although I think it may, but one thing I noticed is that it is a better reading experience. It's not just that the Nook screen is easier on the eyes (which it is), but rather that there are fewer distractions. With the iPad, I would check e-mail, respond when a Facebook notification came up, etc. With the Nook, I just concentrate on reading the book. Definitely a better way to go!

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Friday fun--and TMI, I'm sure

Blogs started as online diaries, and this may be more of that than anything you actually want to read. After all, this could be a useful reference for me down the road. (Sorry!)  :-)

Okay, so Friday wasn't really fun, but I was relieved to be done with it. "It" being a medical procedure. Tests, actually. A colonoscopy and an upper endoscopy. I started colonoscopies in my early 40s, because of family cancer history. The upper endoscopy was new. That was done because of recent issues that made my regular doctor think I could have had an ulcer or a hiatal hernia or any number of other possible issues related to some unsettling feelings after eating--including a feeling like an irregular heartbeat at one point. It's been a fun year so far!

And what made this day really fun? Well, a couple of things. For one, I am scared of anesthesia. I worked in hospitals a long time, and I heard too many nightmare stories of anesthesia gone wrong. Logically, I knew the odds were very much in my favor. Also, I was having these tests done in Marc's hospital, so he asked the Chief of Anesthesiology to watch out for me. The result was one of their top anesthesiologists taking care of me, with the Chief standing there, too, as I went under. Another fun thing? I've been having on-and-off diarrhea for a couple of months. (Glad you're reading this yet?)

Being the great worrier I am, I was thinking things like, "if it's cancer, I just hope it's stage 1." These thoughts kept popping up, despite negative occult blood tests and the fact that I had a colonoscopy 5 years that was fine (and you normally wouldn't go from nothing to cancer in 5 years). Still, I can torture myself with such thoughts. Logic is nothing when faced with neurotic worry!

And when it was done, what did we find? Nothing. Well, nothing bad. It all looked great. My esophagus and stomach are fine. My colon is fine. In fact, the doctor told Marc to tell me (I was still slightly groggy at that moment) to keep using fiber, because "the beginnings of minor diverticulosis" that he'd seen 5 years ago had disappeared. (What he saw 5 years ago was minor but, if allowed to keep going, could turn into diverticulitis eventually, and that's bad stuff.)

So what was causing the diarrhea? No idea. But it's been slowly (very slowly) improving, so maybe it was a virus or something. While doing the colonoscopy, he took a couple of biopsies. He said the tissue looked fine, but he'll check for "microscopic colitis." Apparently, that's unlikely, but he's being careful to rule out all possible concerns.

Overall, a very good result and a very smooth procedure. And one bonus: that top anesthesiologist I mentioned? Well, he also turned out to be HOT! Wow, that was a nice treat. Hey, I can be a scaredy-cat patient and still appreciate a handsome face in well-fitting scrubs!  ;-)

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Priorities

Some things just matter more than a small chance of being hit by lightning. This post is being dictated into a little pocket recorder while standing on a Manhattan street corner in the middle of a thunderstorm. Someone else might take shelter somewhere.

However, Marc is making his way up here. We're going to see a show at Café Carlyle. Melissa Manchester. Should be fun!


Thing is, he may have trouble finding me if I don't stay in this one location. I've been standing out here quite a while, as he makes his way to join me. Yes, I could find a place to hide, and then I could send him a message. But he's coming up on the subway. He might not see the message until he came wandering out here. He might start walking around, looking for me. While the lightning isn't a huge risk, crazy drivers are. And crazy drivers in wet weather are not a good thing. So I will wait here where he can find me.

He'll get here soon enough, and then we'll walk to the show together. In the meantime, I am much happier knowing that he should have no problem finding me, rather than taking some risk with his safety. That's just the way I want it. I think it's a better way to live! At least, I'm happier this way!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I miss my Dad




You shouldn't take the wrong message from this video. There was nothing unsaid between me and my Dad. No disagreements we didn't solve. Still, this song's message is a good one--don't let disagreements drive a wedge between you and someone you love. If you can heal the rift, do it before it's too late.

The reason I'm posting this is because it's the song that broke through and let the pain from losing my Dad finally start to come out. When he died, I did virtually no crying. I did what he taught me--I was strong for the family.

I could go on and on about my theory of how, since that day, I have a well of pain in me that can be tapped easily and unexpectedly in certain emotional moments. The first time I felt that was some time after his death. Marc and I were driving on the NYS Thruway. I don't remember where we were going, but this song was playing on the radio. As I said, there was nothing left unsaid between us. I had a wonderful relationship with both my parents, and there were no quarrels to fix. But then the song got to the line (around 3:46 in this video) that was factually accurate for me: "I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away." And with that, I burst into tears.

I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away. He had just begun home hospice hours before. It was about 2:30 or so in the morning (we got the call around 2:45), and he was in the room where I'm typing this now. Again, no guilt for me. There was no reason I would have been here. We didn't even know he'd go so fast. But I don't think whether I was there or not was the point that hit me. It just took the right thing to poke a hole in the balloon of pain I'd built up. A sufficient reminder from a song full of emotion.

It seems that some of that pain will always be there, but as wonderful a Dad as he was, I suppose that's to be expected. And did I mention that today is his birthday? That's what made me think of this.

Happy Birthday, Dad! I miss you!

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Clap for the Dodge dog!

Does that title make a song run in your head? If it does, you're both of a certain age and way too well versed in esoteric songs of a certain era. But let's talk about something more important--Dodger!

He's doing much better. From being so bad several days ago that I was literally in tears, thinking we were going to lose him, he's come back to pretty good health. Over the past several days, he stopped falling down, and he seemed to regain the use of his back legs, even if they still were a bit shaky (hey, he's an old guy!). It looks like it was something called Vestibular Disease. It's a balance disorder that's not uncommon in older dogs. It happens at other ages, too, but in an older dog, it's usually just a temporary condition that will right itself with time.

As I said, he's been making progress. Last night, he even took himself up to bed (with me right behind him the whole way to support him and make sure he didn't fall). But it still was lots of work for him.

Today, after I got home, we went out, he had some treats, and I left him to hang out on the first floor while I went upstairs to change out of my suit and put on comfortable clothes. The plan was that he'd wait for me to come back down. At least that was my plan. While I wasn't anxious for him to try the stairs unaided, I nearly jumped for joy when I turned around and saw this sight in the bedroom door...


Yay, Dodgie!

Friday, May 30, 2014

Where are things heading? No one knows.

Dodger is having quite a time. The vet has been of limited help, but that's how it is with human doctors, too, often enough.

He's having a hard time, but he's not suffering. Just a bit tired and weak. Also having diarrhea now. That's happened in the past, but we may have to take him in to address that. For now, we have left over Lomotil we're giving him, but he may need an anti-diarrheal shot. (We have way too much experience with this!)

At this point, we're taking it a day at a time. His kidney measures are a little high but not too bad. To try to keep that in a good range, we're getting him off his anti-inflammatory, because it's hard on the kidneys. Instead, we're upping his pain meds. But that has him groggy and a bit spacey now. Not easy. We're also starting him on a biologic supplement called Azodyl that's supposed to help kidney function.

Anyhow, we're doing our best with him. We hope he gets past his current issues and powers on to lots more quality life. We shall see!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

That was scary

While we're at work these days, Dodger spends his days in the kitchen. He has his bed, and we have fabric runners on the floor, because he's not so stable on his back paws now, so tile floors aren't the best for him. He stays in the kitchen, because he sometimes can't hold his bladder for what can be 10 to 12 hours. After all, he's pushing 14, and that's up there for a doggy.

Well, a couple of the runners were in the wash today and weren't ready to go back out when we left for work. In hindsight, I see that we should have found something else to lay on the floor. When I got home, I found that he'd walked across the kitchen for a drink and fallen. From his condition when I found him, I think he'd been lying there, backs paws uncomfortably crossed, for hours.

I understood if he couldn't get himself up on that floor, but lying there had hurt, apparently. Even when I got him up, he couldn't stand. He couldn't even get his back legs in the correct positions. After a few tries, I carried him out to the yard. When I put him down out there, he staggered sideways. He tried to pee and then fell over sideways.

I was so upset, but I kept helping him and he kept trying. Slowly, he started to get function back. He managed to poop without falling over--and for that, I am very thankful! That could have been messy. Then I went and got his leash, and we walked the block, so he could try to work the kinks out of his paws. That seemed to help.

I know it's a one-way trip through life for all of us, but it's so hard to see someone you love having a hard time in old age. He's fine now, and I hope he surprises us with his resiliency!